You get that dreaded call. You're at work and you feel as if someone has walked up to you and punched you in the stomach really hard. You grab onto your desk to keep yourself from crumbling to the floor. Your mom has had a heart attack. It was unexpected. She was only 54 and seemed in great health. This isn't real. It must be a dream.......a nightmare! It is real, and you are numb, frozen in time. Everything moves slowly and your co-workers approach you and you see their mouth moving but you don't hear the words. You sink into your chair and try to speak. Instead your hands cradle your face as deep sobs rack your body and everything in your world turns black.
We have all experienced the death of a lo
ved one. Sometimes it is unexpected, and takes us completely by surprise and there are situations where we see the painful process of a terminal illness which leaves our loved one looking like someone completely different from who we remember. Either case is quite painful and is never easy to accept.
Friends and family members offer to help by fixing meals, helping with expenses, saying an encouraging word or simply offering a shoulder to cry on. Although these efforts can be therapeutic, the moment of complete healing needs to come from the person within. Many people experience and show grief differently. Some cry, others get angry and there are those who shut people out. These are normal ways people deal with and express their emotions. It is a process we all go through. Sometimes in different stages, varied paces and using a multitude of options to get to where they need to be. However, there are people who get "stuck" and take months, sometimes years to get past this part of life and then there are those who don't ever make it out of this emotion.
This is where it really gets hard. We all have choices to make and how we will react to the circumstances that are thrown at us called life. We can grow, go, stay, turn-around or just throw up our hands and jump!!! Every choice we make affects our tomorrow. Especially with grief. It is a move-through process with lead boots that requires us to pick up our feet no matter how heavy it is and move forward. We need to get to the other side of this feeling so that we don't began to sink in our quick-sand of depressive thoughts.
How do we do that? Well, we definitely need a support group of friends and family who we can reach out to when we need to talk. That could also be a co-worker, a church member or even a Leader in that group. Speaking of groups, joining a support system of people who have experienced a death of their loved one would benefit you immensely and put you in a position to share other people's painful journey and how they are coping with it. Some people suggest praying, meditating and creating quiet time each day to help calm your spirit and re energize. Listening to soothing music can be very therapeutic and lower stress levels.
There are also great self-help books you can buy or check out at your local library on the subject of grieving and can offer practical advice, information and lessons on how to deal with your pain. Another way is to journal your way through this process. Documenting your emotions, your thoughts and your actions for the day can be a way of noticing what is working and what isn't. It can also help you evaluate your progress and give you an idea of what you may need to do next to get to where you want to go.
The path to healing can be a long journey. Know that you are not on your own. You have to go through the process. You can't escape it if you want to thoroughly heal. Feel your grief. Don't skip this part. But don't stay there. Move forward....you can do it. Many before have and many after will. Take care!